She Meets Life

I watched a movie last night with my sister. it was a foreign film..en francais...in French. I was moved.  I love this winter break so far. I have been relaxing a lot. It's great. But i feel i don't deserve this kind of relaxation. The effort i put in last semester wasn't my full effort. I broke my own promise to achieve a high gpa...I blame no one but myself.    I should be working harder. 

how are you?

o the difficulties i have with say this word. Such a small word will create such a huge impact. as huge as breaking a relationship...causing awkward silences...creating bad reputation....the list goes on. It's a really hard word for me.

I'm not a girl not yet a woman. all i need is time. because here's what happens when you're in between... things fall apart over and over again. -anonymous :Things have been pretty blurry for me these days. : i can't seem to set my priorities straight : my mind wanders helplessly with no objective; : however each step i take leads me to another challenge : I already know that things fall apart : and that it's hard getting back on track : but what makes it so difficult is knowing : that all the effort and energy : is wasted : when you fall apart the second, third or even fourth time.

we all have them...heartaches...it's so heavy it feels like your hearts just hanging...no one to catch it when it falls. why am i experiencing this? no it's not because of a boy. ok it is partially. but mostly because of life! how doth thou explain thyself? one can only describe...that is simply the cure to alleviating the aching pain. the throbbing....the twisted...feeling in your stomach... simply express.. but what if you can't find the words???

just when you think you know someone or at least you think you understand them fully, they stab you behind your back with no sense of feeling at all. heartless. beneficial to them only. one way friendship. That's what most of my relationships feel...i see it a lot happen too. i don't understand it. I guess you are never "really" close with the person until you _____...hmmm. help me finish the sentence. i hate relationships sometimes..just want to be by myself the whole time and understand how i am. or maybe i have a "porcelain heart". It's so fragile; always need to be taken care of. simply a poetic way of explaining my weakness. what do you guys say?

i apologize for not writing often...it's been super busy for me. i haven't had time and also...i know that there isn't anyone reading my blog anyway... However, i found time today yet i find it very difficult to express what I'm feeling.

I just didn't know what to do.  why am i here next to her? hold up. she came next to me... Everyone goes through roommate drama college... but that's what i don't want to focus my life on. there are plenty more dramas for me in the future and roommate dramas should not be one of them. ok. This just in... I didn't get the sholarship i applied for. In a way, I expect that but I wanted to surprise myself as well.  eff this. i don't care. i just have to work harder. this bad news is an incentive to push myself harder. fighting!!

I'd like to add that today was my sisters 36th birthday. waow!!! can you believe it? yes of course you can but i can't. She's the oldest and i'm the youngest. we are 15yrs apart. I love all my sisters to death. Since being the youngest, each sister touched me and continues to astonish me in many ways i can't explain.  Therefore i'd like to take my time to appreciate her (since it's her bday) amazing qualities. Being the eldest of the family, my sister was always burdened with taking care of her younger bros and sisters. She had it the hardest out of all of us. *sigh* She was always worried about her younger bros and sis. The small amount of allowance she got was spent on kitchen supplies or food. She never put herself first; it was always us. She was like our second mother. She bathed us, fed us, dressed us, taught us and more while my mother was out in the field working her ass off to afford all the amenities and luxuries in our life (it wasn't a...

third day into writing a blog and my excitement and anxiety slowy begins to fade. Is it because I have too much to say and somehow i can't find the ways to express my feelings...or is it because i don't have much going on in my life? I'll let you (my fellow readers) decide. Last night I got excited because I found out my roommate has a blog too. She became one of my, wait, my only follower or my fellow reader (as I like to call it).  It's not like I'm only writing to strangers, I have a little bit of stable feeling when I know who my readers are. So..going back to what i had said from my first blog post (Julie and Julia), the purpose of me starting a blog was to accomplish or referring to my title, finish what I start. In a way, I'm afraid to expose my goals because i have a tendency to break them if i don't keep'em to myself. so i guess this concludes the fact that i won't state my goals. i mean if you think about it, i did state that t...

Day two/last day in Santa Cruz I'm here to visit my sister but the "real" (whatever that is) purpose is to, not in a spy-way, investigate an "issue" that I've been dealing with for a while now. Every family has issues/dramas and if it's not dealt with....then things become artificial. What do I mean by that? Things like: avoiding each other, pretending to be happy, so on and so forth.. Anyways, since I am pretty close to my sister, I was able to bring myself the courage to "open up." Thankfully, I didn't get out hand and start bawling like a baby..I handled it very maturely (at least I think i did). After having some-what long conversation with sis and bro-in law about the "issue" I feel as if we've, metaphorically speaking, peeled our way to the next level of sister to sister relationship. This is in a good way, of course. As we slowly get to know each other more, we peel away the pungent and strong smell and make our way tow...

Earlier today I watched, with my spontaneous older sister, Julie and Julia at Santa Cruz. IF you guys haven't seen the movie or read the novel (based on true story FYI), go see it or read it. Anyway, you're probably thinking what does that movie have anything to do with blogging...well, the reason I started this blog was because of that movie. For those of you that is curious about the synopsis, here's a peek (but for those who'd rather watch it or read w/o any idea of the plot...i recommend you don't read this) : Julia Childs, a charming yet witty married woman, moves to Europe (Versaille to be exact) with her husband due to his work. Because she doesn't do much and is sort of "lost" except going wherever her husband goes, she comes up with an idea to make use of herself by taking cooking lessons. From there, her adventure begins. As for Julie (who's living in the present 2002), she admires and loves all of Juila's work. Julie decides t...