She Meets Life

this poem is written by Rupi Kaur. sometimes i struggle to find the right words. and when i do, i borrow hers. "i don't know what living a balanced life feels like when i am sad i don't cry i pour when i am happy i don't smile i glow when i am angry i don't yell i burn the good thing about feeling in extremes is when i love i give them wings but perhaps that isn't such a good thing cause they always tend to leave and you should see me when my heart is broken i don't grieve i shatter" -Rupi Kaur

I am back where I started. a work in progress. only a little stronger. a little wiser. and always contemplating. but a lot more cautious. I used to meet new people and go on adventures because my life felt enriched. I used to go out almost every weekend and socialize because I felt like I existed. I used to not care about getting lost because I always discovered something new. Spending extra money wasn't too big of a deal because it was worth the experience. Maybe it was being with him that has got me thinking differently about my stance in life. or from the conversations I had with patients I met during my internship. or maybe combination of both influenced me to re-evaluate my life. Something I never thought of... A person who stays/lives in the same place for 80+ years can still experience life just as much as a person who travels the world. There is so much to learn. so much to take in and so much to give. People take more than they give. they become stubbor...

Remember when you were a kid? you used to express every emotion. you used to not care about how people thought of you. Simple things like mom coming home from work made you so happy. Or when your grandma took you wherever you wanted to go. be simply simple. by being expressive. by letting go of your ego. by mentally going back to the times you were younger and carefree but not careless. remember the times you cried, when you were sad or hurt. I didn't have to read your mind or make assumptions. remember when you and I first met? when i wanted you and you wanted me, and when nothing else mattered? remember? Let's go back to the simple times.

Love came when I least expected it but i welcomed it with open arms. Love stayed for few months, happy the first few days, love was at ease. But the longer love stayed, the less love enjoyed my company. love became unhappy, uncooperative. i became unhappy, uncooperative love slowly began to die. or maybe it was because life came over and wrecked the house. Life is almost always never in sync with love Love, life, and death the three guests that don't get along with each other unless they try. Love may not want to stay forever, let him leave. you may become sad and heartbroken but don't stop entertaining life. because the moment you stop hosting and comforting life, death will sneak in through the little spaces... spaces of the doors and windows. keep living and love will show up, just like before...when you least expect it.

Nothing ever stays the same. That's what makes life beautiful and painful at the same time. How do we endure it? Do we stay stoic through every experience or do we live and die, live and die over and over again until our body has reached its limit? Some choose to live with a thick skin while others dry up like a raisin in the sun. I went for a walk today in my flip flops and after couple steps in, the base of my feet began to hurt. I didn't let it bother me and instead continued to walk till the end. This brought back memories of my childhood. I remember running around our front yard in India, barefoot. We didn't care about the dirt under our feet or the hot gravel. Perhaps it was because of having gone out and playing in the front yard every single day without care, that we grew to be oblivious to the pain. Is this what life is about? We live in moments- happy or sad..then, we're given a choice from our moments that we participate in. A choice on whether we want...

Here I am. alone but not lonely. alone on my own, with my own place to live. a place I can call home. I have grown to become independent in the past year and loved every step I took to get where I am now. Sure, I have failed many times yet somehow I am driven towards a path I am meant to take. The mistakes I have made caused me to better myself and to become stronger. Of course, I have become distant with people I used to talk to and unfortunately, I have had my heart broken along the way. This happens all the time. At least that's what he tells me. People loose their way, fall down, get beaten..."it's not shocking," he says. He's gone through so much. He's lost a lot of people along the way. he keeps to himself a lot and he may have created a cage to lock his heart away. It's the easiest thing to do..that way he can continue living without having his heart broken over and over. Here I am. alone but not lonely. The words begin to have mea...