New Yorker and death

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Earlier today, I read a few articles from the New Yorkers. While all the articles were thought-provoking, one was more of a touching story about an author who lost her mother on a late afternoon on x-mas day.
She started off with the day her mother passed and slowly took me to the past and how much her mother had meant to her by carefully inputting anecdotes of the special memories she'd shared with her mother. 
The one that stuck to my mind was of her xmas gift that her mother had given her when she was only 5. It was a red, corduroy journal. Her mother had given it to her so she could write her thoughts, feelings, etc. Because writing down things makes things more comprehendible. Things that she didn't understand, she would write it down to make things clearer. 
Then the story went on about how her mother had passed and that the moment she died, she was lying still on her lap. The mother had told her that she wanted to die in the living room of the house, where all the memories had happened. 
painless death...peaceful death...death while asleep. 
if only people could choose the way they die...it would make it so much easier for other to gradually accept the loss. 

My grandma died 2 days ago. I heard that it was peaceful death. painless? i'm not sure. death itself is already painful. My grandma was probably in pain but I wouldn't know. She lived thousands of miles away from where i live...she only got to see her daughter once every 3-4years...and her granddaughters once in 13years. Maybe she was always in pain and finally died cuz she accepted death. 

The morning i heard the tragic news I didn't know how to feel. I felt emptiness. I cried but for a minute because i never really created any memory with her. i should be crying a lot because i never got to spend time with her or got to visit her. But crying about something that will never happen wouldn't be good either. I was young when i left India and came to the states. I also never went back due to financial, time, and other reasons. 
I should be sad. I should be praying. Instead I'm thinking...she was in pain and now she's in a happier place. 

Honestly, I'd rather die than be in pain or cause others pain. 

I'm grandparent-less. both my parents parents passed. I never got to meet my dad's dad nor mom's dad. I barely spend any time with my mom's mom or dad's mom.

here's the story link:
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/03/07/110307fa_fact_orourke


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